Homecoming
by lokiyan
Summary: Blair just wanted them to apartment-sit while she was gone. Ridiculousness ensues.


A/N: A prompt I got forever ago, but just finished. Very short, just for fun. Enjoy.

Homecoming

A week. She'd only been gone for a week. She thought everything would be fine. It seemed, however, that she really needed better security.

"Get your ass over here. And your little friends too." She hung up the phone without waiting for an answer. Her soft and cozy sofa was replaced by some freak gadget from one of those sci-fi shows she never watched and her Audrey poster, _her _Audrey, was replaced by... _Star Wars_. Her heels clicked at the white tile beneath her feet and she was ready to crush someone with them.

"So, do you like it?" She wanted to branch out. Everyone told her it would be good to meet different people. Penny had seemed nice enough, if not a bit idealistic and perky for her taste, and these guys were supposed to be... useful. She glared at them, her phone gripped so tightly in her hand it was a surprise that it didn't break. "I guess that's a no?"

"Yes, Leonard, it's a no," she hissed. Screw the counting backwards from ten thing. She was flat out pissed off and for once, those self-righteous freaks from Brooklyn cannot say it's not justified.

"Well, that's not a very clear answer. Yes, you like it or no, you don't." She glared at the Sheldon, annoyed as she usually was with him. Over the months, she had gotten somewhat used to the tall, anti-social, semi-spastic scientist downstairs but sometimes... well, let's just say that people like her, who relied on the manipulation of social and linguistic nuances, were not made to get along with people like him, who had no idea who Marc Jacobs was. He turned and addressed the stares from his friends. "What? Some people find the dashing Han Solo to be chauvinistic and offensive. She could go either way with that poster."

"No, Sheldon," she hissed from her clenched teeth. "I don't like it."

"Thank you," he said with a curt nod, appreciative of the brief victory to his logic. A moment later, he realized what she actually said. "Oh." She rolled her eyes - how did Penny deal with this for so long? "Well, why not?"

She chose to ignore him. It was always the easier way to go. It was even better since it was nearly torturous for him. "Where are my things?"

Wolowitz, in all his pint-sized glory, sidled up to her. "They're back in my room if you want to-" Blair cut him off with a glare. "Leonard-put-them-in-storage-please-don't-hurt-me-I-was-following-orders. Let's go, Raj." Before anyone could get a word in, they were out the door. For a moment, Blair let out an indignant squeak - no one walked out on Blair Waldorf. She calmed herself though. She'd get them back for this somehow.

"But why don't you like it? We've equipped the place with high level security systems, updated your hard-drive, replaced your photographs of dead entertainers with useful tables of facts." Sheldon continued to spin in slow circles, inspecting every inch of the living room with near clinical precision. Finally, he stopped in front of the television. "Oh I know. I tried to tell Leonard that choosing the Uhura action figure is sexist and that Spock is clearly the superior choice."

"I don't care about some stupid doll-"

"_Action figure_."

"-action figure."

"The erratic inflection of your voice implies mockery. Are you mocking me, sir?"

Leonard's danger detector, honed from his very first wedgie in elementary school, went off like a police siren at Blair's infamous glare. He, unlike Sheldon, it seemed, would much prefer to be mocked than dead. "How long do we have to put things back the way they are?"

The heiress snatched her purse from her throne - now converted to a common desk chair with wheels. "I am attending a play with my mother. When I return, I expect everything to be perfect and when I say perfect, I mean by my definition. Audrey Hepburn and all." She turned her nose up with a learned, indignant sniff. This was what she got for trying to 'expand her horizons,' as Nate and Serena used to say.

Still, her cool and above-base-society heart did jump a bit when she shut the door behind her to find the 3-d, computer generated sign that read "Welcome home, Blair". Home - it was a nice idea.


End file.
